Airports, Emotions, and Anger
by 2gsdip
Summary: Jasper’s POV when Bella escapes in Phoenix. From before she asks to use the bathroom till after Edward arrives.
1. Gone

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Airports, Emotions, and Anger

Part One- "Gone"

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X

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_~It takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it~_

_ -Anonymous_

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_X_

"I'm proud of you" Alice murmured, so low only I could hear her. I met her eyes as she gave me that familiar grin "You're doing great"

I smiled softly back. How I wish I had the never ending confidence she has always had in me.

We were currently sitting in a crowded airport waiting for Edward and the others to arrive. And the place was _packed_ with bustling humans. Much more than the small high school with the handful of students in each class that I was use to.

The warmth and smell that scorched my throat and pooled my mouth with venom filled every particle in the air… taunting me, testing me.

There was no relief, no corner I could run to, no window to open, nothing to help push back the agonizing never-ending temptations that made up who I was... _what_ I was.

I had to admit though; I was also a bit proud of myself. It seemed I had been doing better in these last couple of days than I had the whole school year.

However, I also knew this wasn't so much due to the fact that I had improved in my self control as I had much more important things to be paying attention to.

The main core of this was currently sitting next to me.

I was confused when Edward had brought Bella Swan into our lives. I didn't quite understand what it was about _this_ girl that seemed to draw his attention. All I could see was the possibility of a threat. Edward was messing in very dangerous waters and I didn't understand why he was willing take so many risks. Risks for everyone and not just himself.

I could somewhat understand the thirst aspect, I have heard of our kind finding humans that appeal more than the others, though I have never experience it myself. But even without that Bella did seem to have a slightly different smell than the other human girls I have come across, but it's so slight to me I wouldn't have really noticed if I wasn't _looking_ for it. They generally all smelled the same to me.

That first day she had been brought to our home I was shocked that the girl was still alive because I did in fact place my own bet on the issue of their _"date",_ but more so than that I was shocked at Edward's behavior…his actions. He had been carefree, _excited_ even.

He was so different from the Edward I had met over 50 years ago. And it all seemed to happen overnight. Literally. I didn't understand it.

I have always been slightly fascinated with Edward because it was almost a relief to tune into him instead of the others. Most of the time I would get nothing from him. I would get the small things that were an everyday occurrence, but nothing strong and clear like I was use to.

It was almost like my ability couldn't work on him properly. The only time anything really strong came through was when he was angry, those were the times I avoided him.

Because his anger, no matter how small, when pushed was nearly over whelming. It didn't happen often but when it did it made up for all the other times he held back.

But everything had changed when Bella Swan moved into our lives. The Edward I knew, the composed serious Edward, was gone. Replaced with a crazed, century old hormonal teenager.

The confused jumbled of emotions that radiated off him these days was nearly too much for me to handle. The range and level changed so rapidly at times it left me disoriented and beyond irritated.

This human girl next to me had had more or less hit his well structured wall so _fiercely_ it all crashed down and everything he had been suppressing through the years flooded through him all at once. And me being who and what I was, unfortunately, felt every second of it when he was around.

When Alice and I had walked into Edward's room that first day, the emotion that hit me was unbelievable. It even over powered the excruciating pain and thirst that radiated from him at having the girl on his lap.

It was Like nothing I had ever felt before. And that was saying something, for I had felt a lot of love in my new life.

The love between Carlisle and Esme, Rosalie and Emmet, and then of course my beautiful Alice, they all were strong and potent, but what I felt coming off, not only Edward but Bella as well, was different.

It was just as strong as what I've felt before but there was something unique about it, I couldn't really explain it to myself; it seemed _pure..._ raw almost.

It had taken me by complete surprise and it was scary to think about, especially for Edward. Seeing him so open and free for the first time. I knew that if something were to happen to this human…well it was hard to think of.

I didn't know what he was planning on because we all knew logically this couldn't last, not the way it was. However the frightening part about it was that I had _felt_ the potential and _knew _it was strong enough to last, under different circumstances. But at this point Edward didn't even consider that as an option.

Later on that same day, while we were getting ready for our game, I had spoken to Alice about it, expressed my slight fear. Because even though the feeling I had felt pouring off Edward was Love, very _strong _love, I knew it could easily turn to a pain just as powerful, especially when said love rested in the life of such a fragile life.

Alice of course just gave me her soft knowing smile and reminded me of what she had seen, and though Edward was still dead set against it, her vision _"remains clear as day"_.

A soft tapping on the tiled floor pulled me from my thoughts. From the corner of my eye I looked down at the very girl that had changed it all, changed my brother and family irreversibly… regardless of how it turned out now the change had been done.

Bella's small foot had begun to bounce up and down on the ground and as I felt the anxiety rise up in her yet again I exchanged a quick glance with Alice.

I knew this girl had been on an emotional rollercoaster the last few days, but I had hoped that the news of Edward coming back would help to calm her wild emotions. But it seemed the closer Edward's plane came to arriving the worse they became.

They were currently running through her like fire, I couldn't pin point just one. I tried to concentrate on an emotion that seemed the strongest so I would know what to spread towards her to balance it out.

But it was confused mess of

Worry…

Fear…

Restlessness…

Affection…

And…_guilt?_

Suddenly she leaned forward, her scent hitting me full force and I was ripped from my focus. I cut off my breathing and swallowed back the venom flowing rapidly into my mouth. Spending nearly two days in a hotel room with her I had become somewhat immune to her scent, but I also knew I was overdue for a hunt.

Still not breathing I watched as Bella placed a white envelope on Alice's bag, her small hand shaking slightly. "My letter" she said quietly.

Yes, there _defiantly_ was guilt there, and something else… _regret _maybe?

I shook my head slightly, what was it that was making her feel this way? I decided to leave it be, I didn't want to send some kind of emotion towards her and create an even bigger mess. Edward would be here soon and it would get better. Of that at least, I was sure of.

We continued to sit in silence and during that time Bella's anxiety steadily grew. Then suddenly a huge wave of it washed over me, mixed with a rush fear. I looked quickly around thinking she had somehow seen a threat before I did, then I looked to her only to see her turning towards Alice

"I think I'll eat now" she said fast and urgently.

Gently I eased some calm towards her hoping if nothing else it was slow her heart rate. I didn't know as much as Carlisle and Edward when it came to the human body but the rapid patter did not sound healthy to me.

Alice immediately stood up "I'll come with you"

"Do you mind if Jasper comes instead?"

My head snapped up. _That_ one surprised me. I would think she would feel more comfortable with Alice. But then she added "I'm feeling a little…" She didn't finish. I couldn't blame her. Hell, _I_ couldn't even figure out what she was feeling.

Alice looked at me, and reading the question her eyes I gave a slight nod of my head. I _was_ okay and I _could_ handle this. Alice needed to be here when the others arrived.

Staying close to Bella, we made our way through the crowds. I tried to keep my eyes peeled for any kind of danger but the smells rushing towards me were like a blow to the chest. Every time a person rushed by it was another strike.

I placed my hand on the girl's back, not only making sure she didn't get tugged away from me in the crowd, but also to keep myself clear headed. To remind me of what it was I was doing and why.

"Do you mind?" The question was quite and hesitant. I looked down to see wide brown eyes staring up at me and I realized she was gesturing towards the lady's room. "I'll only be a moment"

I nearly hesitated. Alice's words echoed in my ears from that morning '_Whatever we do we can't let her out of our sight Jasper. I don't know how he's going to get to her but the vision is still there, it hasn't changed' _

But how could James possibly get to her in a bathroom? After all he would have to go through _me_ first.

"I'll be right here"

And she was gone the door swinging close behind her.

I waited.

Two minutes

Five minutes

How long did it take a human girl to take care of her business? It had been way too long since I had been human so I honestly couldn't remember.

Ten minutes

I was getting a bit edgy now; surely it didn't take _this_ long.

Unless maybe she was getting sick, that really wouldn't surprise me, everything was bound to catch up to her sooner or later. The mind, human or immortal, could only take so much at one time.

I debated on rather or not to check in on her, it _was_ a ladies room after all.

At that moment however an elderly women walked in.

Sighing to myself I continued to wait

It had now been a little over Fifteen minutes and the other women had already left.

Feeling more and more uneasy I made up my mind and walked towards the door. Just as I was about to push it open I heard someone yell my name.

"Jasper…Jasper!" spinning around I saw Alice running towards me, smoothly dodging the crowd that seemed to be moving in the opposite direction.

"Where is she?" she asked frantically coming to a stop in front of me.

"She had to…" I pointed to the bathroom but before I could finish Alice had moved towards the door and threw it open.

Her next reaction made me freeze with dread.

Alice moaned and leaned against the wall before she buried her face in her hands, one hand holding a crumpled piece of paper.

This show of, what seemed to be weakness, coming from _my _Alice, shook me to the core. And then as I looked through the now open door I saw the red exit sign over yet _another_ door in the same bathroom.

"She's gone" I whispered flatly. It was all I could say.

Three very long seconds ticked by in which neither of us moved, but it felt much longer. I was about to ask Alice if she could see anything else but before I could speak, She straightened up in a blur of motion.

"Edward!"

At first I thought she was crying his name in realization that Edward would in fact be here any minute and we would have to explain why Bella wasn't with us. But as I took in her horrified expression, and her wide eyes locked over my shoulder, I knew as I turned around who I would see.

But turn around I did, what else was there to do?

And that's when I saw them walking towards us. Carlisle, Emmet, and Edward, the last of whom searching for a face I knew he would not find.

My body automatically tensed for what I knew was coming.


	2. Fear

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Airports, Emotions, and Anger

Part Two- "Fear"

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X

_~*~_

_There is love of course. And then there's life it's enemy~ _

_-__Jean Anouilh_

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_X_

"Where is she?"

The first words out of Edward's mouth surprised no one. He had spoken calmly enough but if one knew Edward then the slight under lining was very clear, as was the flash in his eyes when they still couldn't see that certain face.

My mind was running wild and I knew he wouldn't be able to read any coherent thought and I had no idea what he was getting from Alice. If the panic I began to feel from him told me anything it was that he was getting _something_.

And for the life of me I couldn't speak… I had fought for my life and killed mercilessly for centuries, seen too many horrors to count and yet right now, facing the person I had come to love like a brother, I couldn't form any words.

He had grown to love me back just the same, he trusted me. And after reading all the dark thoughts that ran through my head on a daily basis, thoughts that craved my other life… a life of killing innocents for my own selfish cravings… even over all that he _respected_ me.

Edward had never asked anything of me, had never asked anything of anybody. Then when he finally asks me this one favor, trusted me in this one duty and I had failed.

What could I possibly say when I was the one who let her get away.

But why in the hell _did_ she leave?

She should have known she would be safe with us. Alice and I had told her so more than once in the last couple of days. Did she finally freak out and run, decide to get away from everything while she still could?

If that was the case I couldn't blame her, it would have been safer to remain with us, but she was only a human and a very young one at that.

But something told me that that wasn't possible, because if I was sure of anything it was the fact that the human girl actually _loved_ Edward.

"Edward I…" Alice began pulling me back to the current situation.

"Alice where is she?"

Edward's growling voice made me step forward. If he was going to be angry at anyone it should be me, but before I could speak Alice was talking, the words tumbling out over top of another. The guilt and pain that radiated off her made my chest tighten. I could tell by her tone that if they could her eyes would be full of tears.

"I'm _so_ sorry, Edward… I thought James...I thought _he_ was the one to get to her, that's what I was looking for. I didn't know…it never crossed my mind that _she_ would try to get away from _us_, I didn't know till I saw it…she was running, and…"

Edward gave a roar of frustration and stepped into Alice's face "I told you to watch her !…you weren't suppose to let her out of your sight!"

His yelling had begun to draw the attention of the passing people. I pushed myself between them, trying to spread out as much calm as I could. It was a bit difficult as I was not only fighting my emotions but everyone else's as well, Edwards in particular was making my head spin.

"Cut the shit Jasper!" He spat in my direction.

"Edward clam down" Carlisle said putting a restraining hand on his son's shoulder

This only seemed to make things worse, I felt Edward's anger rise but his building panic had reached its peak and dominated all else. It was so strong I swear I could see it…A dense cloud chocking him and now me.

"_WHERE_**?!"**

Not able to look away from the frantic eyes, eyes that still searched in vain for something that was not there, I answered truthfully.

"I don't know"

It happened so fast I didn't see any movement. A loud roar echoed off the walls and high ceiling and I suddenly felt a wall slam into my back. It crumbled under my stone form, huge junks of cement and plaster falling to the ground at my feet.

Before I could even catch up to my current situation or register the few female screams that followed the echoing crash of my body into the wall, I felt a strong hand wrap around my shirt collar. People from all around had stopped their rushing and were now standing and staring in horror at the scene in front of them.

But I barely noticed them for Edward's face was mere inches from mine, livid and wild. Though none of us technically needed to breathe, he was gasping thick and heavy and I suddenly found myself just as breathless.

I had no defense against these emotions…there was no blocking… no altering.

"Edward!...Edward stop…!"

Alice's small fists were beating on Edwards's back, the noise sounded like a rock hitting a brick wall, but it seemed to have no effect. He just continued to glare at me through his gasping. I could have fought him off but it would only cause an even worse scene.

Right now I knew he didn't see me though, didn't see the watching bystanders, did not feel Alice's vain attempts to get him to let go, nor did he hear her pointless yelling. I knew what he saw for I saw it too…red.

The raw panic and anger had combined to form a desperate rage so strong I could taste it like acid on my tongue. It seemed to be everywhere and yet aimed at no one in particular; regardless of the fact he was currently holding me up against the wall.

This lasted only for a few seconds before Carlisle, Emmet, and Alice managed to pry him off and shove him towards the bathroom. I stood there for a second trying to put my mind back in order, and oddly enough catch my breath.

It seemed nearly impossible to separate my feelings from Edwards; I wanted to fall to my knees and scream in agony and at the same time tear this huge building apart.

Sure I had seen and felt Edward angry before and I knew he had a huge rage issue when pushed the wrong way, but it seemed today I had gotten a full taste of it, and personally I didn't want to feel it again.

I looked around and realized some of the people had phones out and were probably calling the police, and I knew some would be getting security guards soon, if some had not already left to do so.

This was not going to help our problems.

Dusting myself off a bit I walked shakily into the bathroom where I could hear the yelling. To my slight surprise it was Carlisle's raised voice that I heard, it was very foreign to my ears.

"Calm down Edward this is not helping matters!"

I shoved the door closed behind me, hoping it would by us some time. Then turned to see Emmet holding Edward from behind, his thick arms wrapped around his brother's trembling form while Carlisle held on to his shoulders from the front.

If anyone could drill any kind of since back into Edward's head it was Carlisle.

I have to admit sometimes I've been jealous of their relationship. They truly seemed like father and son. Edward trusted Carlisle and looked up to him. They had been together the longest compared to the rest of family and it showed, at least to me... things like that never went unnoticed around me.

They seemed oddly dependant on one another and despite Carlisle's age there were times he needed Edward's guidance just as much as Edward needed his. It was something I never quite understood but something I secretly craved to have. Because I knew my life would have been different if I had had someone like Carlisle, or even Edward, from the beginning.

But it seemed even Carlisle wasn't working at the moment. Edward continued to struggle in Emmet's grip his eye's still wild, full of rage and panic. Not ever had I seen him this out of control, it seemed nearly unreal that this was the same Edward I knew.

My fears from earlier this week, of him finally finding love and it being in such a fragile being were confirmed. Edward had finally let his guard down, opened his heart and he was now feeling the consequences of such a risk and it was too much… I could feel it.

Carlisle roughly grabbed Edward's face in his hands, forcing him to make eye contact.

"Please son, _please_…" he whispered fiercely " I know, I understand… but this is not helping... we need to figure out what needs to be done, where she went… what we have to do before it _is_ too late, "

Edward finally stilled and squeezed his eyes shut. A few moments passed where the only sound was his shaky breaths.

Carlisle let go of Edward's face and stepped back as he turned to Alice his eyes questioning. She swallowed and walked forward holding out that crumpled piece of paper.

"Edward I think you should read this" Alice's voice was still trembling slightly and I yearned to hold her but I kept my distance not wanting Edward to go off again at seeing me.

Edward looked at her and then jerked away from Emmet, who had loosened his grip, and snatched the paper.

It took no time to read it, but the sudden emotional change nearly knocked me backwards. I took a step back and squeezed my eyes shut. Sometimes I really hated my so called _gift_. Sure it had its advantages but a body, Human or immortal, could only hold so many feelings at one time.

Edward's roaring rage was gone in the blink of an eye and was replaced by such a strong wave of guilt I nearly sank to my knees.

Somehow I remained standing, bracing my hand against the tiled wall. It seemed Edward had no such luck though, a long agonized groan escaped his chest and he slumped to the ground. His hands balled into fists, one holding the crumpled letter as he pressed them into his eyes.

"I'm so _so_…sorry Edward…please I…" Alice said taking a wary step forward and reaching out a hand like she wanted to comfort him but thought twice and dropped it.

"What do you see?" He said it so quietly no human would be able to hear.

"I still see the same room, the last one I had was of her running into her mother's house, she was…"

Edward was on his feet, "Where?"

"Edward she's probably not there now we have to…"

"Then where is she _now!_?"

Alice closed her eyes; I could tell she was concentrating. Then she gasped her eyes flying open,

"What?"

Alice shook her head, despair written all over her face.

Edward growled and grabbed her by the shoulders. '_What_?...What did you see?...Where is she?...._SHOW ME ALICE_"

"We're going to be too late" Alice said in a far away voice, "She's almost there, she was running down the sidewalk, she fell...but she got up, the studio ...Bella…she…"

Apparently saying the girls name was not a good idea, or maybe it was whatever Edward had finally seen in Alice's mind, because he in the next second he had yelled out again and slammed his fist into the wall.

I knew that was _more_ than audible to the growing crowd outside.

"We have to get out of here" Emmet said; he was looking out the first exit. "We have liked seven security guards running this way.

"Where is this studio Alice…this room!?" Edward yelled, oblivious to Emmett's warning.

"58th street and cactus…but I think we're…"

And he was gone.

"…too late." Alice whispered to the empty air in front of her.

We all stood there, a mere half a second of hesitation went by where we just stared at each other. And then, quite suddenly time seemed to stop for me and the two times I had actually talked to the girl…to Bella… jumped to the front of my mind.

--

_I was staring at her from across the room. Edward had just left and her feelings of guilt and confusion were washing through me. I knew what she was thinking and I knew it wasn't true._

"_You're wrong you know" _

"_What?"_

"_I can feel what you're feeling now…and you _are_ worth it"_

_Her brown eyes met mine, looking much older than they should. "I'm not" she mumbled and I could feel the thick wave of guilt washing through her and straight to me. "If anything happens to them it will be for nothing"_

_Once again I simply stated the truth "You're wrong"_

_--_

_We were sitting in the hotel room and her rising panic was steadily surrounding me._

"…_what if something goes wrong, and they get separated? If something happens to any of them, Carlisle, Emmet…Edward…if that wild female hurts Esme…"_

_She was slowly becoming hysterical now, but underneath all that I couldn't help but feel slightly grateful, this human girl was _truly_ scared for my family, more worried about them than her own well being._

"_How could I live with myself when it's my fault? None of you should be risking yourselves for me…"_

_Her heart was racing, her breathing fast and shallow and I knew I needed to step in, _

"_Bella, Bella, stop" I poured waves of calm towards her along with my words, hoping the combination would do the trick. "You're worrying about all the wrong things, Bella. Trust me on this…none of us are in jeopardy. You're under too much strain as it is: don't add to it with wholly unnecessary worries."_

_She turned her head away from me and I pushed back my aggravation, she was such a stubborn little thing._

"_Listen to me…Our family is strong. Our only fear is losing you"_

"_But why should you?"_

_It was Alice who spoke next, and she seemed able to explain much better than me._

"_It's been almost a century that Edward's been alone. Now he's found you. You can't see the changes that we see, we who have been with him for so long. Do you think any of us want to look into his eyes for the next hundred years if he loses you?"_

_--_

In the truth of Alice's words hit me full force in this second.

I would never be able to look my brother in the eye after this day.

It was my fault.

If Edward lost Bella today it would be all on me.

"Alice…" Carlisle said breaking the short silence. "_Will_ we be too late?"

She hesitated and then looked miserable as she shrugged her shoulders "I don't know…something hasn't been decided yet…something that obviously changes things, I can't see beyond that point…I…I just don't know."

Then her eyes went wide and she said quickly. "But we need to go he's about to steal a car"

Carlisle nodded and we all ran out together, only a couple seconds behind Edward.

I looked at my family as we ran and what I saw on their faces made my own words run through my head again…

"_Our only fear is losing you"_

I didn't need to use my ability to understand what they were experiencing.

Because I feeling the exact same thing.

_Fear_

For we were in the process of losing Edward forever.

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** Review? I'd Luv to hear what you think and helpful comments are always welcome. ;) **

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